i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
