So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
