ugly people sure do ruin things
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sex in a hospital.. check
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
