i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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