then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Small penises have feelings too.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
