If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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