she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
