I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
