Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
