She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
