I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
