I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I met the friendliest cop last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
