5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
