so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Are my feet made of real feet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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