So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
