Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
