The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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