there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
