my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
