halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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