He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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