I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
