normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
