How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
