Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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