Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
