Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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