i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
