I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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