I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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