Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
