wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im six kinds of drunk right now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
