I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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