if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
