Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
