before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
