just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
did i just pee glitter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
