I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Welp...herpes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
