i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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