i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
