Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
