i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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