are you so shy because you have an std?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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