I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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