Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
