It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
