Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
