yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He better not be in your backpack
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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