A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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