She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
